"A perfectly cute stranger fell in love with me last Saturday.
Let me explain.
It all started a couple weeks before Valentines's day. My Facebook feed kept popping up with this article, How-to-fall-in-love-with-anyone-do-this from the New Your Times. And since I need all the help I can get, of course I read it. I recommend this to anyone and everyone. It's a very well written article and very intriguing.
hmm. I wonder if this really works?
Then this past weekend, Valentines' Day weekend, to be precise, I went to a church sponsored singles conference that lasted from Thursday night -to Monday evening. There were hikes, tours around the city, live bands, dinner, speed dating, workshops on how to improve our flirting skills to get a date(or give out/get that phone number) dances, all sorts of stuff!
hmm. I wonder if this really works?
Then this past weekend, Valentines' Day weekend, to be precise, I went to a church sponsored singles conference that lasted from Thursday night -to Monday evening. There were hikes, tours around the city, live bands, dinner, speed dating, workshops on how to improve our flirting skills to get a date(or give out/get that phone number) dances, all sorts of stuff!
Then I found the 36 questions: here's the link 36 questions "
............
Wait, and so?? What happened???
Dang it, don't you hate it when the story's not finished? When there's only tidbits and it leaves you hanging? Me too!
That was a start of a post from a few Valentines Days' ago. (has it been 2 years already?! Good Grief!) and since it's the last day of February, I think it's the perfect time to finish the story, don't you?
Now back to the good looking stranger story :)
The 36 questions are questions that go from easy to more intense that a group of scientists/therapists came up with that speeds a couple thru the bonding process of falling in love. Or as Daniel Jones says here ;
"In Mandy Len Catron’s Modern Love essay, “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This,” she refers to a study by the psychologist Arthur Aron (and others) that explores whether intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated by having them ask each other a specific series of personal questions. The 36 questions in the study are broken up into three sets, with each set intended to be more probing than the previous one.
The idea is that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness. To quote the study’s authors, “One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure.” Allowing oneself to be vulnerable with another person can be exceedingly difficult, so this exercise forces the issue
I thought, how intriguing. I wonder if these questions really work? I wanted to test this out. And what a perfect place, but at a singles conference!
So there I was, at a singles conference, I was mingling around with my gal pals, and spied a good looking, tall guy across the room. It so happened that my good friend Carrie said she knew him (score!) and introduced us. She played wing-woman for a bit and somehow the conversation got around to these questions. The handsome stranger thought it was intriguing as well, and agreed to jump in and answer a few.
It started out with 4-5 of us, and then the others lost interest and left, and it was just me and the handsome stranger. He came at these questions as research for when he found someone he was dating. (yes, he said that. There were a few questions that were a bit too personal he skipped, saying he'd save that for his girlfriend)
Then an hour later, after an intense conversation, we realized we'd been talking for that long, and kinda laughed it off, and with an awkward, "Oh I guess I should get back to the party" we departed ways.
The next morning was Sunday. The first thing I thought of when I woke up was him. Then my second thought " Oh crap. Those questions do work. I think I'm falling for him"
The singles conference had Sunday services, and in the crowd of 1200-1500 people, we found each other again, and me being bold, with nothing to loose said, "Since you're in love with me, we might as well sit together"
He laughed, and of course sat by me, -- cause you know he was in love with me -- and hung around the rest of the day while we were at the conference. and flirted. It was pretty fun if I do say so :)
Too hard to deny it, those questions work!!
Then the singles conference came to an end, and so did my short romance. It ended with a hug and a "maybe I'll see you around" and him flying back home 8 hours away. No numbers exchanged or anything, and I'm okay with that. From the beginning conversation, it was clear we weren't what we were looking for.
I don't remember his name. And that's okay. It was a great experience. I know that these questions work, almost like magic, to establish an instant bond.
Even though we had a connection, I think love is a choice. We, me and the stranger, both knew that we had established a close bond/were falling for each other, but we both chose to ignore it and walk away.
I also think real love takes time. If you hang out with someone long enough, you grow to love them. (see every Korean soap opera, or Hallmark love story. Same formula: 2 people thrown together, forced to spend time with each other and then fall in love. lol!)
These questions speed up the connection one would get while naturally spending time with their date and getting to know them.
I saw the handsome stranger recently at a New Year's Eve party. Still don't know his name. Still fun to talk and flirt for a bit with someone who you know really likes you :)
If you google "36 questions", there's tons of articles that lead back to the same research paper. They all have the same questions, but in different fonts.
Here they are. Use wisely my friends. Don't pick any ol' good looking stranger. Pick someone you already like and think is a good person. And when you do fall in love, I want to hear all about it!
Hugs to you all and happy dating!
Caroline
............
Wait, and so?? What happened???
Dang it, don't you hate it when the story's not finished? When there's only tidbits and it leaves you hanging? Me too!
That was a start of a post from a few Valentines Days' ago. (has it been 2 years already?! Good Grief!) and since it's the last day of February, I think it's the perfect time to finish the story, don't you?
Now back to the good looking stranger story :)
The 36 questions are questions that go from easy to more intense that a group of scientists/therapists came up with that speeds a couple thru the bonding process of falling in love. Or as Daniel Jones says here ;
"In Mandy Len Catron’s Modern Love essay, “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This,” she refers to a study by the psychologist Arthur Aron (and others) that explores whether intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated by having them ask each other a specific series of personal questions. The 36 questions in the study are broken up into three sets, with each set intended to be more probing than the previous one.
The idea is that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness. To quote the study’s authors, “One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure.” Allowing oneself to be vulnerable with another person can be exceedingly difficult, so this exercise forces the issue
I thought, how intriguing. I wonder if these questions really work? I wanted to test this out. And what a perfect place, but at a singles conference!
So there I was, at a singles conference, I was mingling around with my gal pals, and spied a good looking, tall guy across the room. It so happened that my good friend Carrie said she knew him (score!) and introduced us. She played wing-woman for a bit and somehow the conversation got around to these questions. The handsome stranger thought it was intriguing as well, and agreed to jump in and answer a few.
It started out with 4-5 of us, and then the others lost interest and left, and it was just me and the handsome stranger. He came at these questions as research for when he found someone he was dating. (yes, he said that. There were a few questions that were a bit too personal he skipped, saying he'd save that for his girlfriend)
Then an hour later, after an intense conversation, we realized we'd been talking for that long, and kinda laughed it off, and with an awkward, "Oh I guess I should get back to the party" we departed ways.
The next morning was Sunday. The first thing I thought of when I woke up was him. Then my second thought " Oh crap. Those questions do work. I think I'm falling for him"
The singles conference had Sunday services, and in the crowd of 1200-1500 people, we found each other again, and me being bold, with nothing to loose said, "Since you're in love with me, we might as well sit together"
He laughed, and of course sat by me, -- cause you know he was in love with me -- and hung around the rest of the day while we were at the conference. and flirted. It was pretty fun if I do say so :)
Too hard to deny it, those questions work!!
Then the singles conference came to an end, and so did my short romance. It ended with a hug and a "maybe I'll see you around" and him flying back home 8 hours away. No numbers exchanged or anything, and I'm okay with that. From the beginning conversation, it was clear we weren't what we were looking for.
I don't remember his name. And that's okay. It was a great experience. I know that these questions work, almost like magic, to establish an instant bond.
Even though we had a connection, I think love is a choice. We, me and the stranger, both knew that we had established a close bond/were falling for each other, but we both chose to ignore it and walk away.
I also think real love takes time. If you hang out with someone long enough, you grow to love them. (see every Korean soap opera, or Hallmark love story. Same formula: 2 people thrown together, forced to spend time with each other and then fall in love. lol!)
These questions speed up the connection one would get while naturally spending time with their date and getting to know them.
I saw the handsome stranger recently at a New Year's Eve party. Still don't know his name. Still fun to talk and flirt for a bit with someone who you know really likes you :)
If you google "36 questions", there's tons of articles that lead back to the same research paper. They all have the same questions, but in different fonts.
Here they are. Use wisely my friends. Don't pick any ol' good looking stranger. Pick someone you already like and think is a good person. And when you do fall in love, I want to hear all about it!
Set I
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Set II
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Set III
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
Hugs to you all and happy dating!
Caroline
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